Rooting through your Garbage
by MeteorLeopard
Summary: Funny. Random. Odd circumstances. Garbage? Multiple pairings with slight hints of romance. CH7: Ichiruki; Rukia does a little spring cleaning. After all, it's an emergency.
1. Rentatsu

_WARNING: Do not read if you can't tolerate weirdness and random situations. _

_SugarFox and I were sitting in history, brainstorming what could happen during an awkward situation in one of her stories. Right on cue, our friend pitches up and yells out his new favourite quote. And *BAM* the idea for this story hits me like a purple fox to the head and I start scribbling furiously. _

_Here's the finished product. Enjoy!_

_Title: Rooting through your Garbage_

_Author: MeteorLeopard (HoneyBadger)_

_Pairing: RenTatsu_

"Aaah!"

An earsplitting crash sounded right outside Tatsuki's window, heralding the coming of trouble. Curious, she quickly snapped open her window and leant out, trying to find the disturbance. Her window faced the street and on the pavement just below was a large, neat stack of old furniture that wasn't going to be used by her family anymore and therefore left out on the curb to be picked up. At least it had been a tidy pile, but now it resembled the Mount Everest of Garbage –couches lying on their sides and a pair of flailing legs sticking vertically into the air while the owner's head was now buried deep beneath the items of furniture.

Tatsuki raised one eyebrow before glancing over her shoulder and then climbing onto the windowsill to jump down onto the pavement beside the pair of wriggling lower limbs. She crossed her arms as the two feet finally found a hold and were soon joined by a pair of arms to help the figure free their head from the pile of junk with a huge gasping lungful of air.

"Renji… what are you doing?"

The flustered red-head turned to look at her, blinking twice and registering her presence for a moment, obviously forgetting that this was, in fact, her house that he was making the racket in front of. He scowled and then struck a pose.

"I'm rooting through your garbage!"

Silence.

Tense silence.

Tatsuki wasn't buying it.

And Renji knew it.

He sighed.

"Urahara kicked me out. I needed something to sleep on."

Tatsuki raised her eyebrow.

Renji stared back. And caved. "Okay, fine! So I was hoping I could sleep here!"

Tatsuki smirked. "You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble by just using the front door."

"You have a front door?"

_For anyone wondering where the heck the line is from, go check out 'Catface' on YouTube. _

_I'll be writing a different couple next. This story is just a compilation of one-shots and also a bit of a test to see how creative I can be with using only one line for inspiration. _

_Thanks to my awesome beta KazeNoSakura for her help and super-fast work! _

_PLEASE REVIEW_


	2. Byaran

_Hey there! Second chapter/section! I had a lot of fun writing this so… please enjoy! _

_Title: Rooting through your Garbage_

_Author: MeteorLeopard (HoneyBadger)_

_Pairing: Byaran_

"Byakuya…"

The said noble raised his gaze from the assortment of foul smelling food currently littering the kitchen floor. "What is it, Rangiku?"

Matsumoto's lips were tight as she tried to process the sight of the Kuchiki heir kneeling beside the bin with a banana peel dangling from his kenseikan. Her eyes narrowed as her hand drifted towards Heineko. "Who are you and what have you done with Byakuya?"

In response, Byakuya closed his eyes, dignified. "My subordinate told me that this seems to be the latest 'fad' in the world of the living. I am getting with the times."

Matsumoto bit down on her lip.

Hard.

To stop herself from laughing.

Hysterically.

"Um, listen here, honey." she edged closer and removed the banana peel from his black hair. "Those people are often called 'hobos' and are usually poor homeless people who struggle for money."

Static silence.

"I knew that."

About 15 minutes later, Matsumoto walked back into the kitchen to find Byakuya sitting at the table, drinking tea and eating his ambassador seaweed cookies. "So… what are doing now?"

"No longer rooting through the garbage." He snapped his fingers and a servant arrived dutifully. The noble pointed to the rubbish littering the kitchen floor. "Clean it up."

_Okay, so if any of you are wanting to watch some Byaran AMVs, we've made three and they're up on our YouTube account! Just check out our profile to find the links there. _

_Oh, and that little button down there? It won't bite. Honest. _


	3. Ishihime

_These little one-shots are really just to make people laugh, nothing too serious. Oh, and I would really appreciate some reviews, so far they've been rather thin on the ground…_

_Title: Rooting through Your Garbage_

_Author: MeteorLeopard (HoneyBadger)_

"Ishida-kun… what are you doing?" A very confused Orihime enquired of her friend, whose head was currently half submerged in the metallic trash can outside her flat. She'd taken the liberty of painting purple clouds and neon orange daisies onto it about a year ago. Now the design was slightly faded and made the old trash can seem worn and somewhat used.

Ishida carefully raised his head a fraction, his eyes glancing at her figure leaning towards him while he remained hovering over the trash can. "Uuuh… looking… for my cape."

It sounded more like a question.

"But Ishida-kun, you're wearing your cape."

He kept his face perfectly composed as his thoughts did a 180 in his head. "It's… my spare one! Yes, I'm looking for my spare cape!"

Orihime studied him for a moment before perking up. "Well okay then, let me help y-"

"NO!"

Orihime jerked back and Ishida promptly collected himself. "I mean, no thank you, Inoue-san. I don't think I'll take much longer and besides, you have to go and tidy your kitchen, don't you?"

Her face lit up. "Oh yes, I completely forgot about that! Dinner was delicious, wasn't it Ishida-kun?"

"…very…" Broken images of stewed peppers dunked in lemon meringue accompanied by liquid muffins and seasoned with her neighbour's finest chilly powder came to mind. The concoction almost made a return trip.

Orihime turned and gave one short wave to him. "Well then, see you tomorrow Ishida-kun."

Ishida watched her walk away and breathed a silent sigh of relief.

Phew. That was close. Now on to look for some real food!

He dove back into the trash can.

And resurfaced spluttering a few seconds later.

No! This was Inoue-san's trash can! It was full of toxic waste!

…On to the neighbours!

CRASH

"Ishida-kun! Are you okay?" Orihime skidded to a stop a few meters away from him, where he was currently squatting on the pavement beside the toppled over trashcan.

She cocked her head to the side, as though not quite understanding. "Ishida-kun?"

He thought fast.

"Uhh… I'm rooting through your neighbour's garbage."

She frowned. "But why? If you're worried about living expenses, Ishida-kun, then you can always borrow my newspaper. You really don't have to rummage through dustbins to save on money."

Ishida turned a little red. "No, it's not that! They…" he had to find a new excuse now. "They ahh… have my cape."

"Why on earth would my neighbours have your cape?"

Orihime wasn't quite believing him.

Either that or she was trying to cotton on to his currently derailed train of thought.

Ishida fell to babbling.

"It's my mother's cousin's aunt's second cousin twice removed niece's best friend's former roommate's house that we had diner at three weeks ago on the eve of the second full moon and I forgot it there because I was too busy thinking about… you!"

Orihime blinked once at his explanation. "Oh, I see. It's a small world we live in, isn't it?"

She smiled and took a step forward. "Do you want to go inside and ask them for your-"

"NO!"

"…Ishida-kun?"

"I mean… uh… go take care of your kitchen."

_PLEASE REVIEWWW~_


	4. Urayoru

**_Someone mentioned in an earlier review that they really couldn't imagine the characters behaving like this. In some cases, I can't either. But these are just really short snippets and don't necessarily have to make complete sense. Please know that I do understand that the characters will behave oddly in cases but that this isn't a serious story. _**

**_Enjoy _**

**_Author: MeteorLeopard (HoneyBadger)_**

**_Title: Rooting through the Garbage_**

**_Pairing: UraxYoru or KisuxYoru_**

"Kisuke! Keep it down!"

"But I'm rooting through our garbage!"

Yoruichi materialized beside the man currently bent over the large tin trash cans outside the Urahara Shoten. "If you're looking for the dwarfimism-shrinkination potion that you developed, I fed it to the ants."

Urahara looked devastated at the news and sniffled pathetically. "That cost me a whole 3.4 hours of my afterlife! And besides, I'm not looking for that. It's my fan! My precious little fan!"

Yoruichi bent down to look the distressed scientist in the eyes. Her voice was grave. "Kisuke, it truly pains me to have to tell you this, but it is no longer among us."

Urahara flipped. "I know that! That's why I'm rooting through our garbage! How am I supposed to appear all dashing and handsome without my trusted cooling device?"

Yoruichi straightened up again and turned her back to him. "You'll figure something out. Oh, and it won't be in the trash. I destroyed it." She paused for a moment. "Along with Renji's bed."

Urahara's eyes widened to take up the remainder of his head that his hat wasn't already. "Yoruichi-san! Why? Why would you do such a thing? WHY?"

The woman shrugged and looked at him over her shoulder. "They were taking up too much space."

Urahara pouted and crossed his arms in mock outrage. "My fan wasn't a waste of space although I wholeheartedly agree that Abarai's bed was!"

There was a moment of silence during which Urahara's eyes returned to normal size as he leveled the flash-goddess with an enquiring stare. "By the way, how is the poor sap?"

Yoruichi turned her head to him and grinned. "I told him you kicked him out."

Urahara chuckled. "What a sneaky woman."

_**PLEASE REVIEW! (Seriously.) **_


	5. Ulquihime

**Alright-ee people! This hasn't been updated in what feels like forever. Sorry about that. I guess I just got so sidetracked with my other stories… ****Ah well. Number five was SUPPOSED to be YuzuHana but I just found it so difficult to write those two together so I instead just skipped to number six: Ulquihime.**

**TheLadyIntegra, this is for you, the die-hard Ulquihime fan. I know you keep telling me that this series is too short with the chapters, but it was supposed to be. I hope that you enjoy this little snippet here ^_^ **

**Title: Rooting through your Garbage**

**Author: MeteorLeopard (HoneyBadger)**

**Pairing: Ulquihime**

xxx

"…and then Tatsuki figured out that if you changed the setting you could turn your citizen's skin a shiny blue colour and make their hair stand up like they'd just walked under a lightning bolt or stuck their fingers into a wall plug! So she showed me but I ended up having a nightmare about dancing muffins because their eyes looked like raisins or chocolate chips, which of course go perfectly with yellow cucumbers and I got soooo hungry that I had to get out of bed and make some curry cheese waffles but I was out of eggs for the batter so I had to-"

"Onna."

Orihime turned to Ulquiorra with big eyes, her white Arrancar uniform flaring out slightly behind her.

"Cease your prattling. It is causing me what you humans refer to as a migraine."

"Oh, sorry about that Ulquiorra. I guess I just got excited about the topic and kind of wandered off it a little… By the way, do you think Szayel-san has finished developing those pictures yet? I think Yammy looked so cute in that one where he was cuddling his little dog-"

"Onna." He gave her a somewhat withering look as they continued down the passage of Las Noches.

"Oh, right. Sorry. I'm just a little-"

An explosion shook the entire fortress of Las Noches, blowing the large throne room doors that Orihime and Ulquiorra were just passing right off their hinges causing Orihime to cover her ears as the two heavy stone slabs shattered on the tiled floor.

Coughing a few times through the dust, she peeked inside the now-open throne room as a second blue blast caused another shattering sound. Blinking twice, she stepped into the room.

Aizen was standing stoically with his arms loosely folded and his cold eyes carefully scrutinizing the containers that were in the process of being reduced to smithereens.

"Um… what are you doing?"

Aizen glanced over at her and smiled once, deceivingly pleasant. "I'm having Tousen root through the garbage."

Tousen destroyed another trash can.

Orihime frowned a little and Ulquiorra came up behind her, observing as Tousen readied himself for another high-level kidou attack.

"Why though?" Orihime asked, genuinely puzzled.

Aizen's calm façade dropped for a moment. "I lost the Hougyoku!"

Orihime and Ulquiorra stayed silent for a moment, totally shocked. _The_ Aizen, the ambitious future ruler, had _lost_ the instrument to his success?

His composure was recovered as soon as it was lost and Aizen regained his papery smile. "To be more precise, a low level incomplete Arrancar mistook it for a severely chipped gumdrop and therefore disposed of it. Unfortunately, for both him and me, it is proving a challenge for him to remember exactly _where_ he disposed of it."

Ah, that sounded more like him.

Ulquiorra spoke up then in monotone. "If you wish, I could deal with the Arrancar, Aizen-sama."

Orihime drew a shallow breath and rounded on him with a scolding finger. "Ulquiorra! Just because he made a little mistake-"

"He disposed of the Hougyoku. That is an inexcusable mistake, even for trash."

Orihime puffed up one cheek and pouted, clearly not happy. Ulquiorra stared right back.

Aizen chuckled slightly and brought the attention back to him. "No need for such drastic measures Ulquiorra."

Orihime breathed a sigh of relief.

"Gin is taking care of him."

She paled.

xxx

"What can I get you? Cookies? Milk? Your memory on where the Hougyoku is? Honey? Inoue-san's cooking?"

The little Arrancar trembled in his seat as Gin leered down at him.

"You know, you seem a little frightened… really, you'd think you were under interrogation or something. Breathe a little. See? Like this. In. Out. In. Out."

The little creature tried to imitate his movements but only succeeded in hyperventilating.

Gin smiled happily. "Oh yes, much better. You have to make use of every second in life, you know that? You never know just how many you have left."

The poor creature whimpered pathetically.

xxx

**Right! Done! Please do leave a review. I realize that the characters were sometimes OOC, especially Aizen, but I just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Him. Right! It's frustrating! **

**PLEASE REVIEW! **


	6. Hitsukarin

**Another update! Once again, this series is just written for fun and if the characters or circumstances are a little off, don't take it seriously. These are just written for laughs. **

**Title: Rooting through your Garbage **

**Pairing: Hitsukarin**

**Author: MeteorLeopard (HoneyBadger)**

**Enjoy! **

**xxx**

Scuffling and scratching sounds made their leisurely way to Karin's ears, waking her curiosity and causing her to make her way to the hospital office. She stopped dead in the doorway and stared for a second.

"Toushirou… what the hell are you doing?"

The white-haired taicho didn't even glance up and continued to rip scrunched and used paper and sweet wrappers from the trash can. "I'm rooting through the garbage," he snapped testily.

Stepping into the room, Karin leant against the wall and watched him for a bit. "I can see that. My question is _why_?"

Toushirou tossed another ancient account and death notification over his shoulder, not in the least bit interested how that person had met their end. Chances were he'd performed the konso on them anyways. "Your father threw away my gikongan so I can't get to the hollows that are running around loose in the city. And since the other idiots have yet to sense them, I'll have to quicken my pace the moment I find it to kill them."

"Do you mean killing the hollows or your subordinates?"

"The hollows, obviously!" He scrunched his forehead suddenly as a thought hit him. "Although I'll probably end up doing the second option later on."

Karin smirked. "Well if you're in that much of a hurry, you could always use Kon."

Hearing her answer, he briefly stopped and frowned as his gaze met hers. "Who?"

"You know, that stuffed lion-plushie that Ichi-nii uses."

Toushirou's frown deepened as he seemed to remember a particular event. "You mean the _thing_ that tried to jump you and Matsumoto the other day?"

Karin grinned, remembering how good Kon had looked as a popsicle. "Yup."

…

…

"No thanks."

**xxx**

**So? Any comments? Please do leave a review on your way out~ ^_^ **


	7. Ichiruki

**And here's another chapter for you all! I hope you enjoy this random nonsense drabble! **

**Title: Rooting through your Garbage**

**Author: MeteorLeopard (HoneyBadger)**

**Pairing: Ichiruki**

"Rukia!"

Another crash was heard as the items bashing against the wall and windows threatened to tear them down.

"Rukia!" the man repeated.

"I'm rooting through the garbage!"

"That's my closet!"

"Exactly!" She tossed his old skateboard over her shoulder, forcing Ichigo to either duck or contract a concussion. The wall gained a dent.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you idiot?"

Rukia lifted a pair of his hiking boots, scrutinized the three-year old caked dirt on them, and promptly flicked them behind her, leaving impressive dirt tracks on Ichigo's bed.

"Stop standing there and help me, you fool! This is urgent!"

Ichigo was boiling over. "What the hell could be so important that you feel the need to destroy my room over?"

Rukia glared at him. "Nii-sama! It's Nii-sama!"

"Byakuya? What about him? Is he sick or something?"

"No, you fool!"

"Then what? He's injured?"

"No, you moron! Nii-sama doesn't get injured." She replied haughtily.

"Of course he doesn't." Ichigo sarcastically replied while dodging the flying photo album.

Rukia huffed and crossed her arms. "It's Nii-sama's birthday today."

Ichigo stared at her. "And that related to you tearing through my closet _how_ exactly?"

She glared at him again, her face slightly red. "Because, Ichigo, if I don't call him and wish him the best, he'll be very upset."

"Upset? Hasn't he had, like, 500 birthdays already?"

"But this is his first one where I can actually wish him a happy birthday. All the other years it was more of a send-him-a-card kind of scenario."

Ichigo studied the smaller girl for a moment, finally nodding in understanding. "So… what were you looking for?"

"My Soul Pager."

Ichigo's eye twitched. "It's on the table downstairs."

A heavy silence followed.

"Oops."


End file.
